Overcome

I'd like to say I was listening this morning, sitting in my seat at church. Truth is my mind was all over the place. 

The pastor this morning was discussing something about Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

He talked about the exile of the Israelites and some other stuff. HOPE was the main point of his message. But like I said I wasn't entirely listening. 

What I began to think about was my own walk and how God has walked with me [even when I kept Him at a distance] and reminded me of His enduring love and how there is always hope. 

Which then brought me to the lyrics of a Jeramy Camp song; Overcome. 

"We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome"

Testimony. 

My testimony. 

God has brought me through so much. 

• The divorce of my parents a child. 
• Discovering my faith in my teens. 
• The shallow faith I developed as a young adult. 
• Pregnant at 19. 
• Dealing with the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy and relationships. 
• Understanding God's forgiveness. 
• Learning to forgive others. 
• Having a baby. 
• Rebuilding trust. 
• Getting Married. 
• Having another baby. 
• Moving multiple times. 
• Hearing God's Call. 
• Planting a church. 
• Pregnancy loss and diagnosed infertility.
• Watching the faithful and unyielding prayers of our children come to fruition. 
• Miracle pregnancy. 
• Birth. 
• Two miscarriages. 
• Miracle birth #2. 
• Walking away from our church home of 7 years. 
• Rediscovering faith. 
• Overwhelming sudden spiritual apathy. 
• New found hope. 

Plus the anger, insecurity, depression, and spiritual warfare mixed in between. Sweet heavens this summary doesn't even remotely touch the complexity of what God has brought me through.  Some details have carved deep chasms of pain. Through time He fills them with his love. And the results shine His glory.

I am in awe of his goodness and mercy. 

I've been walking through this season of spiritual apathy. It occurred to me recently that I just stopped caring yet that realization left me dismayed and extremely confused. 

How and when did this happen? I'm still trying to figure that out. 

My mind wandered much this morning. But the reflection is what my spirit needed.

In all the moments I have felt so out of reach from God, He is still there; in the waiting. 

He has a plan for me. Even when I don't see it. The presence of pain in my life pushes me forward in hope. His hope. 

In the meantime I am thankful for good friends that don't judge me for my brokenness. I'm thankful for their reminders of how full my life has been and is. 

We have been given the most incredible gift of God's love. 

God's son. Jesus.

His miraculous birth. 

His death.  

His Resurrection. 

My Redemption. 

I overcome.