wounds

I'm awake. I've been awake for almost 2 hours now. I had a dream I was backing the car up to park and fell down a 25 ft. hole. So I'm awake. And coping with being in a hole of an other kind.

Have you ever reopened a wound? Or a scar? I can only imagine it to be very painful. What about the scars on our hearts? Ones that have come from emotional battles and left after a long process of healing.
I recently had one reopen. Ripped open actually. My heart, my brain, my body feel so very broken. I'm trying to assess how to mend and my assessments aren't bringing up much.

It seems almost silly, how terribly vague I am in speaking of the pain I am re-experiencing. But to say anymore could come at the expense of others. I imagine it like this:
I am stuck in a massive hole. It's dark, it's deep, and its lonely. To speak the details of the events that have recommenced my pain would be an invitation for that person to jump in the hole with me. The more that come into the hole, the easier it would be for me to climb out. Yet, there they would all be in the hole, and I would be out; alone. To do that would be utterly selfish of me.

So, I wont be inviting anyone to sit in this hole with me.  I'm calling for Jesus because I know he is the only one to help guide my steps out.
All this to say, I'm not asking for pity. Please, I don't want it. But if you could pray. Pray for healing, clarity, guidance into what the next steps are. Pray for understanding, that I would'n t be bitter or angry. Pray for the grief I'm experiencing and my heart as its healing.

Thank you for listening and understanding.

D