Preparation

In the few short weeks of knowing that our little Peanut would be part of our lives, we very quickly became attached. Not just Andy and I, but Isaac and Liam as well. The boys even had names picked out for what they were sure was going to be their little sister. Isaac wanted a sister named Portland. Liam just wanted the names Peanut and Pearl. Both were thrilled at the thought of our growing family.

Isaac checked out this book from
 his school's Library.

Mommy and Baby. He has baby running around in my tummy

Our Little Angel was part of our every day conversation. Whether it was during breakfast when I wasn't feeling so great, an impromptu nap time when my energy had all run out, or at bed time when we prayed over the future of our family.

We are missing Peanut very much. We miss those conversations. We miss dreaming of her future with her brothers. We miss her.

I like babies

As part of my healing processes, I've decided to share some of the sweet things my boys had done in preparation for the new baby.

Baby on her birthday

I am thankful Andy came home early. We were able to sit down together as a family and talk about the loss of Peanut. We have talked about heaven many times with the boys. While our conversation started out with such sadness it ended in great joy. I have never seen my boys smile so big. What joy they have of the thought of their sister waiting for them with Grandpa Holm in heaven. 

One of the precious little things Andy had bought for me while he was in Nepal was this beautiful Mother Elephant. Inside the elephant is her precious baby. He bought it before our future changed and deeply debated the gift. But I'm thankful for it. I will cherish it. While it is at times painful, it is a sweet reminder to me that there is a future. A hope for our family.